Losing a spouse is traumatic. For many, the grief can be overwhelming, leading to emotional breakdowns and depression.
The journey to
healing is often long and difficult, with painful reminders resurfacing during
birthdays or death anniversaries.
Compounding
these struggles are issues such as property disputes, greed and denial, which
can exacerbate the plight of the bereaved.
However, some
widows defy these challenges, finding strength in their resilience.
Ntombizodwa
Mangota, widow of liberation war hero Cde Dickson Chingaira, better known as
Cde Chinx, is one such woman.
Once a
well-known dancer and backing vocalist for Cde Chinx’s Barrel of Peace band,
Mangota has not only accepted her fate but has moved forward with remarkable
strength.
At 51, she
believes she cannot live to please others, and prioritises her mental health
and ability to work hard for the future.
She is
determined to avoid the pitfalls of inheritance disputes, choosing instead to
rely on her own energy and ambition.
When Cde Chinx
passed away on June 16, 2017, it marked a new and difficult period for Mangota.
“It was a heavy
loss for us. We had just acquired a new house in Sentosa, where I had settled
well with my sweetheart and amaiguru (Patricia Simon Makoni). We were a
well-known couple wherever we went together,” she recounted.
“Our polygamous
marriage was famous, and I do not regret a single moment with my late husband,
who married me when I was very young. We were the perfect definition of what
people now call lovebirds because we truly loved each other.”
After Cde
Chinx’s death, Mangota decided to leave the new Sentosa house in Harare.
“I realised
that as a young widow, I had a life to live and children to care for, so I
decided to move on,” she said.
She walked out
empty-handed and relocated to a new apartment in Norton, never fighting for a
share of her late husband’s estate.
“I do not
regret it because I felt unwanted and there was no way I could stay when I
realised there was nothing I could provide for my young children.”
This decision,
however, has not been without its challenges.
“At one point,
my children asked me if Cde Chinx was genuinely their father since they
inherited nothing,” she recalled.
“I keep giving
them strength and they are growing. One of them is now 27 and the other is 19.
I had my own child before I married Cde Chinx and that child is now 33.”
Mangota, a
retired member of the Zimbabwe Republic Police, has chosen to focus on her own
ventures.
She is a
beneficiary of the Land Reform Programme and has a plot in Marondera where she
farms.
“For your
information, I took a huge gamble when I retired and decided to work hard for
my children. The only challenge I have now is of inputs although I still do
farming.
“However, I am
a proud widow who, despite working hard during my marriage and leaving
empty-handed, has defied the odds.”
She credits her
strength to her close relationship with Cde Chinx’s first wife, who passed away
last year.
At one point,
they stayed together for nearly six months in Norton.
“I will always
miss her because we consulted each other on everything. We were an exemplary
polygamous family, although things turned sour after my husband’s death.
I have
struggled to make ends meet since then, but I am glad I have opened up about
what I went through. I believe I can help other widows in similar situations,”
added Mangota.
She encourages
other widows to work hard and collaborate on various projects.
She is a member
of the newly formed Creative Widows Association of Zimbabwe (CREWAZ), a group
dedicated to economic empowerment for widows of former artistes.
The group is
the brainchild of marabi singer Kireni Zulu and is supported by Dr Johannes
Marisa.
“There are
about 25 of us and we always exchange notes, which has made our sad stories
seem more hopeful,” she explained.
“As widows of
legends, we have found a way to rejoice in our tears through this initiative. I
am grateful to those who came up with this concept; it is a life-changing
initiative that is focused on economic empowerment.”
Mangota remains
a vibrant, self-sufficient woman who is not interested in dating.
She warns other
widows about “perverts” and “sexual predators” who make false promises.
“We often
encounter these lunatics who will do anything for intimacy, but I do not
entertain this nonsense. Some men go out of their way just to be intimate with
a woman, making false promises,” she said.
“This is one
area where we have been working hard to ensure that we are not caught off guard
and fall prey to these predators. My advice to fellow widows is to value
themselves and their bodies because they can be abused. If they want to settle
down, that is their choice, but for me, at 51, it is a no. I have better things
to do than get involved in relationships that usually end in tears. I value my
body and I have a family to protect.”
Lasting legacy
Reflecting on
her life with Cde Chinx, whom she described as a “godfather”, she recalled
meeting him in 1994 when she was in the Police Band.
He proposed to
her and paid her lobola/roora before inviting her to join his band.
“He accepted me
as a girl from Mufakose and exposed my talent to the world,” she said.
Looking to the
future, she dreams of reviving the Barrel of Peace band with the surviving
members.
“We have been
making music because many of my husband’s band members are still around,” she
said, naming Onisimo Wekwete, Wellington Mareva, Costa Songo, Fungai and Gwidi.
While she
acknowledges the challenges she faces, Mangota wants to be an exemplary widow
who leaves a legacy by working for her family.
She is
determined not to become a charity case but to build her own future, one day at
a time. Sunday Mail
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