The revered couple is currently celebrating their silver
jubilee in marriage.
Baba naMai Charamba started off as acquaintances, singing
in the same church choir.
It was then that Baba Charamba invited Mai Charamba to be
part of the group Fishers of Men before the two later got married and wedded in
1997.
Around that time, Pastor Charamba had just enrolled for theological
training.
Speaking to The Sunday Mail Society, the couple revealed
some of the things that have made it possible for their union to endure 25 good
years.
“Our secret, first and foremost, is knowing the Saviour
above and having a relationship with Him. In addition, you have to be truthful
and honest to one another, clearly communicating, without relying on
assumptions,” revealed Mai Charamba.
She said adjusting and compromising should be part of the
recipe.
“Things cannot always go your way. God made us differently,
so learn to accept your differences and learn to agree to disagree in some
areas. Celebrate each other’s strengths and achievements; do not look down upon
your partner. Likewise, avoid competition between the two of you and also avoid
comparing your spouse to someone else,” she said.
Baba Charamba concurred.
He noted that they have maintained a healthy relationship
through transparency.
Similarly, he advised couples to do random checks on
behavioural patterns so as to understand each other’s personality.
“Much of the secret has to do with the foundation. There
are always opportunities to tell the behaviour of a future spouse. Most youngsters
lose it at the courtship stage, where they focus on the wrong things
altogether. A person who is not reliable will keep you preoccupied with
sideshows during your courtship so as to distract you from assessing their
character,” notes Baba Charamba.
The decorated singer and composer singled out pride as one
of the major reasons leading to the unfortunate collapse of unions.
“We understand there are a lot of people who got divorced
to save their lives from danger. Others are victims of unilateral decisions by
their spouses to break. We take exception to all those. But the bulk of the
divorce cases is, however, as a result of untamed egos and appetites,” he
reckons.
Being in the spotlight, the couple said, has also
contributed to cementing their bond over the years.
“We have defined marriage in our own terms, according to
our understanding of its origin. We have, therefore, declared to preserve it,
through staying true and never to allow fame to detract us. We have chosen to
have one life, on and off the music stage.
“We remind ourselves that we are not superhuman, even
though we receive testimonies about the life-changing impact of our music.
Through that, coupled with God’s grace, we continue to manage the spotlight,”
explained Baba Charamba.
His wife went on to say they hardly have regrets as a
couple.
She said everything that has happened in their lives,
whether positive or negative, is God-granted and works for their good.
“Of course, everything comes with a price but we have no
regrets about the negative experiences we have gone through over the years. We
believe many are being inspired by what the Lord has done in our lives. We are
not perfect but God has helped us in our difficulties as a couple.
“We have sometimes learned to make lemonade out of lemons
in cases where we have faced bad publicity. The Lord is our shield; He
continues to deliver our marriage from destruction,” said Mai Charamba.
They believe most divorce cases are avoidable, especially
at the initial stage of the relationship and if the two are prayerful.
“Spouses of today can do better if they consider marriage
as a ‘command programme’ from God once in it. A marriage is not to be managed
by emotions. I do not have to ‘always feel good’ in my marriage; moments of
friction and irritation are inevitable.
“The challenge is that most are engaging with spouses while
they have substitutes on standby in case of any difference, whether these are
serious or mild,” bemoaned Mai Charamba.
Baba Charamba added: “Let us also moderate our expectations
because we are now hooked on things more than the union.
“Our forefathers lived in poverty but did their best to
sustain their marriages. We can do better if we shun competition and
materialism.”
On their public and private lives, one wonders whether the
two do not conflict.
“We have tried to always give space and time between our
private and artistic lives. Having precious and productive time with our
children is what we have striven to do always,” they said. Sunday News
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