I have a daunting story to tell, babamukuru (tete’s
husband) kissed me.
This occurred when I had visited their place like I always
do because I study in Botswana and they also stay in Botswana so during
university holidays I always visit them. He had always acted like he was
interested in me, commenting on my pictures about how beautiful and curvy I am.
I used to brush it off and change the topic. He would also say some funny
suggestive statements in front of my tete about me and we would all just laugh
about it like “nhasi mainini you are sleeping in my bedroom ka tete vako
vombopindawo mu guest room”, zvotopera. I got comfortable thinking he would
just be playing since he also does chiramu in front of tete. On this fateful
day in the car park he started kissing and touching me I said no to his
advances at first but then I gave in and we kissed for about two minutes then I
stopped the act. We agreed not to mention it to anyone but I feel so guilty
because I have my own boyfriend and my tete has always been good to me and my
family and I know it is morally wrong.
I am 20 and my uncle is 38 and after that incident he has
been texting me zviri weird and he states that he likes me and he misses me
greatly. He complains if I do not text or reply him the whole day. He makes it
seem like we have a relationship of some sort. He is a mupostori so I am afraid
he does not even think that what he is doing is wrong since it is part of their
religious beliefs to practice polygamy but I am not a mupostori myself. Should
I ask him what exactly he wants?
MAI
CHISAMBA RESPONDS
I think you started your letter wrongly; how can you say
babamukuru kissed you. It takes two to tango if it went on for two minutes or
so then it was quite a long and passionate kiss. You are at university, at this
level I assume that your reasoning is sharper and you can read in between
lines. From his silly comments you should have seen it coming. The ball was in
your court, you could have stopped this. For your information chiramu does not
mean passing dirty comments and using silly language. Whoever does this will
have crossed the line. You laughed when
he got carried away so in his mind you seemed like a good candidate to fulfill
his desires. Tete or you should have told him that it was wrong and you were
not amused. I urge you to resist these sexual advances from babamukuru or
whoever until you get married.
You have to learn to control yourself because if
you do not you will end up being taken advantage of. I hope you did not take it
further with babamukuru. Doing anything with him is betrayal at its worst. Tete
loves and respects you, she even hosts you at her house during the holidays.
You have your own boyfriend and you are doing this behind his back, this is
just unfortunate. I do not want to say much about him being a mupositori
because we will then dignify his act because some of them are allowed to have
as many wives as they want.
I certainly think that is a debate for another day.
You have to stop this forthwith. This babamukuru is even capable of raping you.
Ukatambira mukanwa meshumba unotsengwa tsengwa. He is right to think you have
accepted his nonsense because you did not resist him. Tell him it was a moment
of madness and if he continues you will report him to tete. You are a major and
a university student, common sense should tell you what he wants, why ask him
asi uri kutovadawo kani babamukuru vacho? Please be warned, he is married to
your loving tete, do not bring unnecessary fights into the family. Respect your
body and keep your pride, do not let him take you for a lady of loose morals.
What you did is morally wrong, the only way forward now is to turn over a new
leaf. If need be you can even stop visiting their place but do not cut
communications with tete. Pray sincerely about this, God will forgive and help
you map a way forward.
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