Their story generated a lot of debate last week after their
husband, a Bulawayo renowned gynaecologist came out with his traditional side
confirming that he is a happy polygamist.
While some rubbished the cultural practice which still
exists in some Zimbabwean families, others argued that no three women can live
in peace under one roof especially when sharing a man.
Others also debated how they equally distribute domestic
duties as Prof Ngwenya reiterated that equality is the cornerstone of any
successful polygamous marriage.
Chronicle caught up with the Ngwenya wives, MaMnkandla,
MaMkwananzi and MaKhanye this week who openly spoke about their polygamous
marriage, the good and the bad.
The youngest MaKhanye recently gave birth and was not in a
position to go in depth just like the heavily pregnant MaMkwananzi, leaving
MaMnkandla the senior to shed more light.
She said their marriage was unique and cannot be easily
understood by anyone who is not in touch with their real culture.
“Most people are quick to claim that maybe we are being
abused or that we are backward etc but the truth is polygamy is part of us as a
people and there is nothing wrong with it as long as you accept the conditions
and why it exists in the first place.
I knew that I would have sister wives from day one and when
I was told that MaMkwananzi was joining us, I even called my family and told
them that I had a sister wife,” said MaMnkandla laughing.
“Yes, we are housewives and we have no regrets so far as we
understand why we are here and our duties in the Ngwenya household.
“We are not slaves, no, we actually have two domestic
workers to help us with the cooking and cleaning as we have a duty to take care
of all Ngwenya children.”
Prof Ngwenya has eight children and is aiming for more as
his minimum target is 12.
MaMnkandla said although they take turns to spend quality
time with their husband, everything of theirs is communal.
“We live in one big house, each one of us has a bedroom and
a bathroom but we share the kitchen, lounge, TV area and everything in the
house
We value family time so much and as such we have one
television set which we share as we try and bond as sister wives and the
children.”
MaMnkandla said when disputes arise, they openly resolve
them amicably adding that moods are not tolerated in the household.
“You know polygamy is easily manageable when all parties
take responsibility in playing their part, it works perfectly.
My sister wives are like my own biological sisters and yes,
we are bound to disagree and fight but we always find a way to keep the Ngwenya
household happy.”
MaMnkandla said besides being housewives, they also enjoy
shopping sprees, dinner nights and family fun days which are essential in their
marriage.
“It is also important that we treat all the children
equally hence even when one is away, we ensure that they benefit from all
shopping sprees.
We do have different fashion tastes of course but we spend
equally and ensure that at least everyone gets all they want.
We normally shop as a family and then have our husband pay
the bill.”
MaMnkandla said polygamy also requires one to be mature to
make it work.
“It’s never about the money and benefits, it’s hard work
maintaining harmony amongst three women and one man, it takes a lot of courage
and determination.
We also know that we may have future sister wives who must
be able to jell in and help us grow the Ngwenya clan.
If he dies as some people usually say, we will continue
living together and raise the children together as been the norm in this
household.”
Prof Ngwenya added that his marriage was not all about
glam, extravagance and abuse of women but reliving the legacy left by his
forefather Zwide kaLanga- the king of the Ndwandwe nation.
“Polygamy is not and was never about lust but safeguarding
the legacy of the family which normally was deep rooted in culture.
Yes, I may be learned and all but I remain a proud
polygamist, it’s more of a calling for me than anything else.
My career started off in England where I trained to be a
gynaecologist and could easily thrive but no, I had this duty back home that I
had to fulfil hence I came back to my roots,” said Prof Ngwenya.
“There is nothing as fulfilling as being in touch with
one’s culture despite what everyone says because at the end, we need to take
pride in whom we really are.”
Prof Ngwenya also said that polygamy is not for every man
as some are quick to use the institution to fulfil lustful desires.
He said it is important for those in polygamous
relationships to uphold morals to prevent sexually transmitted infections
within the family.
“Polygamy is part of my calling as Solwayo and there are
many things that a human mind cannot easily comprehend.
In my family we are accountable to each other and we try
and avoid wild behaviours so that we are all safe, I mean honesty should reign.
I will rather officially marry three women, live with them
than have extra marital relations, it’s not right.
I also cannot expect one woman to give me 15 children, it
can’t, these people must be treated with love, respect and cared for because
they play an important role in our lives as humans,” said Prof Ngwenya.
He said men should work very hard to provide for their
families whether they are big or small. Chronicle
0 comments:
Post a Comment