At least 30 percent of new marriages are collapsing within
five years.
According to the JSC, the number of divorce cases filed in
courts across the country increased by more than 100 percent in the 12 months
through to December 2022.
All told, 2 735 applications were received last year,
compared to 1 351 in 2021.
The couples were married either under the Marriages Act
Chapter 5:11 or the Customary Marriages Act Chapter 5:07.
Reasons cited in the divorce files include abuse, lack of
communication, financial challenges and infidelity.
Harare and Bulawayo accounted for the highest number of
cases, 981 and 403, respectively.
But experts opine the figures could be higher considering
unregistered customary marriages, which are often terminated without
involvement of the courts.
The hallmark of customary unions is payment of lobola,
although the new marriage law recommends they should be registered within the
first three months.
There is, however, no sanction for failure to do so.
“Divorce cases involving customary marriages are on the
rise. We deal with most of them at community level because they were never
legally registered. However, in some cases, where properties are involved and
where the two parties cannot reach a mutual agreement, we then refer them to
courts,” revealed Chief Ndima Chimareketa of Chimanimani.
Most couples divorce because of irreconcilable differences
and gender-based violence, he added.
“Depending on the case, sometimes, we try to counsel the
couples first. If they still insist on divorce, we then let them be. We came up
with the counselling strategy after noting that some of these young couples
lack basic understanding of marriage and they simply need to be taken through
the steps,” said the traditional leader.
Dr Shelter Shenjere, a marriage counsellor, also shared
disturbing statistics.
She revealed that at least two out of an average of seven
marriage-counselling cases she handles per week end in divorce.
“People no longer respect the sanctity of marriage. Divorce
has been normalised as one of the ‘best’ ways of revenge or money-making
schemes,” notes Dr Shenjere.
Roman Catholic priest Father Paul Mayeresa feels marriage
has long lost its sanctity.
“Divorce was not common in Zimbabwe, hence it was highly
stigmatised. However, society has evolved and separation is no longer a
surprise,” he said.
“Although this is not new, traditionally, families had ways
of resolving issues behind closed doors, but it is no longer the case these
days as most couples lack patience.
“Children could even be born out of wedlock, but dirty
linen was never washed in public, and because people married out of love,
issues were solved, couples forgave each other and they peacefully continued
with life.”
Fr Mayeresa argues that most couples are now marrying for
the wrong reasons.
“These days, most couples marry either for money or fame.
As a result, most of these marriages lack affection and end up in divorce,” he
said.
When Catherine and Trustworth Chimuti (name changed) got
married in Harare in February last year, they vowed to be together for better
or worse.
However, their union hardly lasted a year.
The couple was back in court for divorce in November.
“About three months into marriage, he became abusive. The
situation got worse by the day and I eventually gave up,” revealed Catherine.
Tendai Mavaza of Harare also found herself in an unenviable
situation after divorcing her husband of four years last year.
The couple started experiencing marital challenges two
years after they tied the knot.
Tendai’s husband started having mental problems.
He later became an alcoholic and would physically and
verbally abuse her on several occasions in the presence of their two children
and maid.
Interventions from family members and marital counselling
sessions could not salvage the union.
At first, I thought he was stressed a lot, so I would
forgive and try to talk to him about it. But things later got out of hand as he
started neglecting our children,” said Tendai.
“He lost affection for me and it got worse by the day, as
he preferred spending more time with his friends, getting drunk daily. The
situation was a mess.”
Patrick (surname withheld), also of Harare, separated with
his wife for two months, but the couple later reconciled after visiting a
marriage counsellor.
“I separated with my wife when I discovered that she was
cheating on me with our mechanic. But one day, I decided to engage her to find
out why she had betrayed my trust. This is the moment I realised I had not been
treating her well.
“I did not give her attention and prioritised my friends
more. I was largely to blame for the mess. We then went for counselling since
we were both angry. We are now back together and life is going on well.”
Psychologist Dr Nisbert Mangoro believes mental health
issues are taking a toll on several marriages.
Due to mental health issues, he reckons, most people now
seek solace in drug and substance abuse, which has adverse effects in their
marriages or families.
“When one abuses drugs, one becomes delusional and stops
caring about most things. This can eventually destroy a couple by weakening the
bond between them. If children are part of the relationship, conflicts over
parental responsibilities, neglect or abuse can occur as a result of drinking
or drug use by one of the partners or both,” he said.
Interventions from family and friends, however, has the
potential to save some marriages.
“From a psychological point of view, if one fails to get
attention or if a relationship lacks communication, one or both parties become
vulnerable to such an extent that they feel close and safe with anyone who
lends them a listening ear, which can also lead to infidelity.
“Culturally, married people are not allowed to have freedom
outside their unions, hence most of those who find themselves in such a
situation silently struggle emotionally. Such situations may even force one to
commit suicide or slip into depression.
“Due to the internet, most people now find it easy to either
trace their old flames or meet new people, opting to divorce their legal
partner,” explained Dr Mangoro.
Sociologist and author Dr Vengesai Chimininge argues that
mental health issues are fuelling a spike in local divorce cases.
Most of these psychological problems, he notes, emanated
from the Covid-19-induced lockdowns that left some breadwinners jobless or
struggling financially.
“Lockdowns left some breadwinners poverty-stricken, hence
mentally unstable and desperate. When a person is desperate, they do not think
straight and at times divorce to escape responsibility,” he argued.
“The human body controls the state of mind and when there
is a problem, the mind is forced to look for a solution.”
Social commentator Dr Rebecca Chisamba said lack of
communication in marriages largely leads to separation.
Most marriages, she believes, are now “business
arrangements”, where people tie the knot for benefits, and not love.
As such, most unions lack affection and are easily
controlled by external forces.
“When there is a lot of interference from third parties,
most people often push their partners away consciously or subconsciously and
divorce is the end result. There is need for people to embrace traditional
marriage counselling programmes, which help in nurturing couples,” she said.
Traditionally, marriage counsellors acted as mediators
between spouses to facilitate healthy and effective communication.
“It is sad that modern-day couples may stay in a marriage
for years, yet they do not even know what their partner expects from them, how
they feel or even their likes and dislikes.
“In some cases, when there is no money in a marriage,
problems start to emerge, which leaves one questioning whether it was a union
born out of love or money,” said Dr Chisamba.
She encouraged couples to work hard to strengthen their
unions and remain committed to each other.
Most problems, she said, start emanating after the blissful
honeymoon period.
“These difficulties are not unusual. Patience or seeking
the advice of an independent counsellor may help save and strengthen the union.
Divorce used to be taboo; society was convinced that it was a curse, so
problems would be resolved within the family and life went on.
At times, children never got to know what was happening
between their parents but, unfortunately, the new cultures have taken over and
young couples find it easy to give up.”
Traditionalist Mbuya Calista Magorimbo blames broken family
ties for divorce.
“We no longer have family elders who used to groom young adults ahead of marriage,” she said. Sunday Mail
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