Although divorce is often deemed as a solution to toxic
relationships, it negatively impacts both parties, their children, family and
community at large as health experts say divorce and separation are often
associated with increased anxiety and depression as well as increased risk of
alcohol abuse.
Causes of divorce range from infidelity, financial
challenges, lack of communication and intimacy, violence within the marriage
institution and unresolved disputes.
Statistics from the Judiciary Service Commission show that
in 2020, 1 117 couples filed for divorce and the figure went up to 1 351 the
following year.
Last year however, the figure doubled to 2 735 cases against 13 436 recorded marriages.
In essence, 20 percent of Zimbabwean marriages are likely to end in divorce.
Of the 2 735 divorce cases filed last year at the High
Court in Bulawayo, Masvingo, Harare, Mutare and Chinhoyi, 1 561 were completed.
Bulawayo recorded 613, Harare 1 731, Masvingo 145, Mutare
156 and Chinhoyi 90 divorce matters.
Experts argue that divorce is a sensitively painful change
and can generate lasting feelings of unhappiness, anger and trouble. Divorce,
they also say, is without doubt a strong risk factor and a source of stress.
Family lawyer Shepherd Chingarande said the main cause is
that some couples make false starts by marrying for the wrong reasons.
“People marry for the wrong reasons and that is how many
get it all wrong. Some are under pressure from parents and friends based on the
biological clock and they just marry whoever comes into their lives first.
Compatibility is key and when two do not have anything in common after sex, the
relationship is likely to end in divorce. Others ignore red flags with the hope
that marriage can change a person and upon disappointment, they opt out,” said
Chingarande.
He said financial difficulties fuel disputes at home while
life-changing decisions also have an impact on marriages as some individuals
are quick to make those without consultation as if they are single.
“Marriage at a young age or lack of skills to deal with
tough situations can be stressful,” said Chingarande.
He added that domestic violence cases which are on the
increase in Zimbabwe and addictions related to drug abuse often lead to
breakdown of marriages. “Infidelity or adultery, ethnic differences and even
high expectations driven by social media can also be another source of friction
leading to divorce,” said Chingarande.
Local psychologist Jacqueline Nkomo said the increase in
divorces may spell more mental problems for Zimbabwean communities as the
breakdown in marriages often come with several consequences for the couple,
children, extended family and community.
She said those consequences however should not deter those
in abusive relationships from divorcing as that may put their lives at risk.
Nkomo said those who divorce should open up to their
children and explain reality so that children do not battle guilt feelings as
they may suspect their existence is the reason their parents divorced.
“Although divorce is not commendable, sometimes it’s necessary
to deliver abused spouses from toxic relationships. However, whenever people
choose to go separate ways they must go through counselling and be equipped
with coping strategies to handle after effects which are more negative than
positive,” said Nkomo.
“Divorce disturbs the order of what has become normal to us
as humans and once two people separate, children and family members suffer.
Children whose parents divorce also battle low self-esteem and may develop
depression coupled with anxiety emanating from the changes that the development
brings into their social, emotional and sometimes financial lives.”
Nkomo said those who divorce often think they are strong
but are at risk of bottling up issues which may also lead to stress and
depression.
“We envision communities where family structures are
maintained and where individual members can live in harmony. We need to get to
a point where we also accept that sometimes divorce is the only way out and not
stigmatise divorcees.
Some are labelled failures and they live a life of pain and
regret because communities think they could not sustain their families. We
should also learn to be content so that we foster love, peace and unity in our
marriages,” added Nkomo.
Renowned marriage counsellor Herbert Ndlovu said despite
the alarming 100 percent increase in divorce, happy and successful marriages
were still possible in Zimbabwe.
He said not all hope is lost and members of the public
should be willing to go the extra mile to revive and sustain marriages despite
challenges such as inadequate resources.
“In my 27-year marriage, I have learnt that acceptance
plays a major role. We should stop trying to remodel our partners as that often
causes strife in marriage. Couples who also have high expectations of each
other suffer disappointment since we are all humans hence the need for us to be
tolerant and strive to bring the best. Christians are chief culprits on this as
they like imposing their convictions on others, successful marriages need both
partners to accept differences and live in harmony,” said Ndlovu.
He said engaging God from day one is very important as
couples cannot treat God as a second option. “We need to pray together and
connect spiritually from day one so that when troubles emerge, we can draw
inspiration from the Creator of marriages. Couples should never relax even for
a day and think that because they are married, it will stay like that. Marriage
is hard work, nothing comes automatically hence we must do everything and put a
lot of effort to keep marriages thriving and happy” said Ndlovu.
He said infidelity is an individual choice hence everyone
has the power to stop having extramarital affairs.
“I urge spouses to be loyal to each other, be honest and
easily communicate everything. Do not discuss your partner’s faults or any
disagreements with anyone. Loyalty means sticking with each other even in bad
times. Even when our spouses are at fault we should never discuss them with any
third party even parents, pastors, family or friends,” said Ndlovu. Chronicle
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