WIFE LEFT ME BECAUSE I'M NOW BROKE

 I’m a man turning 31 in October this year. Two years ago I fell in love with a beautiful lady aged 21 and we are now blessed with a two-year-old baby boy pasina roora. I only paid US$100 for tsvakirai kuno. I am failing to pay roora due to the unforeseen delays in the remission of salaries at the company I work for. The company owes me a sum equivalent to 10 months work. Since the beginning of January last year we have not been regularly paid. 

To cut the long story short, our relationship has not been flourishing at all amai despite some ups and downs that are common in any other relationships. My wife is employed and when I fail to settle our rent I normally order her to pay and later on reimburse her monies. She buys more groceries than I do. I admit I am no longer financially stable, although, I am employed full time. 

The issue here amai is, two months ago we had a major fight. One day I came back late from work and I got home to an empty house. She packed up everything, the only stuff she left me was my clothes. Maid ne mwana vose vakaendwa navo. I then quickly went to her aunt to inform her about her move and the aunt said she would call us and have a sit down. 

Later on I discovered that she was renting an apartment in Glenview and I informed her relatives about her whereabouts. She was later on convinced by her aunt to pitch up for ma talks. Because I love her, I accepted her back. That was the biggest mistake I made. My wife is no longer the same, we are no longer intimate and she always complains. She assumes I only accepted her back because I am not financially stable and she always says ‘ini ndine pride’ because I am learned than her. 

Does that matter here amai? Especially if we consider the fact that I have accepted her for who she is? Her relatives do not visit us because I have not paid roora. I have not yet spoken with my relatives about this issue. Can I ask them about it? I am not sure if I will continue to love this lady. I have been thinking of letting her go. I am so confused and I do not see us going anywhere from here. I really need to know where I stand as far as this relationship is concerned.

MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
Congratulations on your upcoming milestone. Turning 31 usually means you have come of age and show signs of maturity. I do not see it so much in your case, let me explain. For starters, you are calling your girlfriend your ‘wife’. You are not married and you know traditionally kubika mapoto holds no weight. 

That is why her relatives do not engage you. To them you are just living in sin with their beloved sister. Having children when you cannot fully support them is tough. That is the source of your girlfriend’s frustration. She is being moody and not clearly articulating this but I assume that is where the problem emanates from. If you go back to your letter you will also discover that things changed after the birth of your son. Your employment situation is disheartening and it is really sad. 

I hope you get back on your feet soon. If your girlfriend cannot understand your situation now what more when you actually do find enough money to marry her? In marriage spouses share equally what is between them. If she has a car and you do not have one when you get married you will both share and own that car. Basing everything on this logic, what you are going through now is testing you to see how well you work together as a unit. 

She makes more and she does more and she is not having it. I think this speaks volumes. You say you are ready to give up on her; has she not already given up on you? If things are not working now when you have a child together and you live together, there is no need to get married. 

You are proving you cannot work together well as a unit. Whatever you do decide the child must be taken care of and protected from all of this drama going on. I would also advise you to seek counsel from your older male relatives who are married who understand what it takes to make a relationship work. Act swiftly and afford yourself peace of mind. This restlessness is not good for you.

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