I am a married 40-year-old man and blessed with three
children. My older brother is 42 and is in the United Kingdom with his family.
We both contribute towards the upkeep of our father (68) on a monthly basis.
When our mother passed away, our father married a very
young wife, who is 37 years old. We maintain their four-bedroomed house and buy
groceries for them. However, I have observed that my father is being
ill-treated. This woman is around just for the perks. They do not have any
children with my dad but they have so many visitors from this woman’s side. My
father is retired and he looks frail because of his failing health. We are
worried about him. Similarly, he complains about what happens in his home.
My brother and I have talked about this and ended up
agreeing to put our father in an uptown old people’s home. The problem is the
idea has divided the family. Some of my father’s siblings think this is our way
of dumping him, while his two sisters are okay with the move. Please help us,
we are now confused. We have so far engaged a gardener and a maid to help out.
My stepmother is hardly at home although she is not gainfully employed. Baba
said she now has no time for him and he is considering divorce. They are
customarily married.
Response
First and foremost, let me start by thanking you so much
for taking care of your father. The adage “chirere chigokurerawo” is exactly
what you are doing. I am so sorry about the passing of your mother. What is
going on in your family is a Catch-22.
Your father is at the centre stage and every decision has
to be in his best interest. Is his divorce consideration coming from the heart
or he is just frustrated about his young wife?
Divorce is definitive.
I suggest his siblings or professional counsellors sit down with him and
his spouse to discuss it first. A rushed decision is not good for him
considering his age. If he stands with the decision after counselling, then let
it be. I personally do not see anything wrong with taking baba to a home if he
is willing to go.
You also need to hear from your stepmother why she is
behaving that way. At 68, dad still knows what he wants so why decide for him?
Let him speak his mind. It is good to have visitors here and there, but mainini
should control them because they both are unemployed. They depend on assistance
from you guys. She needs to be considerate. If the home issue is a problem,
maybe consider putting them in a smaller place like a two-bedroomed apartment
and sell the big house. Instead of having two workers, they will also have one.
I would be happy to hear from you again. Sunday Mail
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