I got pregnant in 2010, upon realising this I fled to my
boyfriend’s place and his people accepted me as one of their own but
surprisingly he treated me like a stranger. I drank poison because of the way
he was treating me, fortunately God saved me for reasons only known to him.
The
father of my baby visited me in hospital and said some hurtful words and that
is when I realised kuti ndirikumanikidzira kugara nemunhu asirikundida. I went
back to my parents’ place and I gave birth to my baby. After a year I moved to
South Africa to seek gainful employment. In December 2014 the father of my baby
told me he wanted me back. I was blinded by love, I foolishly forgave him and
gave him another chance despite what he had done to me in the past.
I came back
to Zimbabwe and he paid lobola for me and we moved in together. Afterwards I
then found out he had conveniently forgot to tell me that he sired a kid with a
different woman when I was in South Africa. I had to find out the hard way when
I went through his phone. He claims he would have told me down the line. I do
not know if I will ever love him again. I feel like the mother of his child
will always be a distraction to our relationship. When
I called his baby mama
he got so angry.
Mai Chisamba, I feel insecure, I feel bitter inside sometimes
ndinotongonyararira murume kusatoda kutaura naye. I am just confused and hurt
at times ndinopedzera shungu pakurova mwana asina kana paatadza. I do not want
to keep feeling this way; what should I do? I do not want to just be in this
marriage for the sake of my kids. I know my husband is trying his best
akatokumbira ruregerero but I am finding it hard to believe him especially when
I recall the harsh things he did to me in the past. I feel very cheated. He
used to communicate with this other woman and delete the chats soon after.
Please assist
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
I was shocked to say the least. How on earth can a mother
to be attempt suicide because of ill-treatment from a boyfriend? I always say
when people are expecting they must improve their reasoning. In short you also
wanted to kill an innocent baby because of the treatment you got from the
father of your baby?
Do you not see how selfish and cruel that is? This guy
used to come to the hospital when you were sick and say hurtful words; why did
you allow that nonsense? You should have reported him to the hospital
authorities and he would have been barred from visiting you. Even the sick have
their rights. From my point of view all you wanted was kunzi wakarorwa.
I see
you were imposing yourself so much. Your people did not want you to go back but
still you went back. It is good to give an ear to what family members say. You
are too self centered and do not seem to take heed to anything others say. It
is very sad that when you are angry you take it out on an innocent child. You
should be ashamed of yourself. Children have either been maimed or killed
nekuita hasha dzisina mugano.
You need to see a counselor immediately, you
could even lose your child because of ill-treatment. Your husband now has a
child out of wedlock and that is a permanent thing and it is very unfortunate.
You must, however, still make up your mind to either take it or leave it. If
you have forgiven him then you need to chart a way forward. You cannot be so
unhappy right through life. Marriage is about love that is the main ingredient
so if this is lacking then there is no marriage. Please engage a professional
counselor who will help you deal with your anger. You are now a mother of two
think of your family before you try anything irrational like suicide or just
beating up a child for no god reason. When you make a decision please be true
to yourself.
If you cannot forgive and move on please go back home. You only
live once and you cannot spend the rest of your life hurting and sulking it is not
worth it. Your husband wronged you and has asked for forgiveness, it is up to
you to decide his fate. Last but not least I repeat it is very urgent that you
get help, work on your anger management. Pray about this, God will give you the
inner peace that you need. I wish you all the best.
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