Saturday, 18 March 2017

MY STEP MUM DOES NOT WANT MY MUM AT MY WEDDING

My parents met at university, had a whirlwind romance and I was born. The story is they agreed not to get married since they were two different people and this was mutual. When I was three years-old my mother left Zimbabwe and I was left in my father’s custody. He married a wonderful woman who loved and cared for me in a special way.

Many people who do not know about the family history think she is my biological mother.
The long and short of my story is my mother is back. She is married and has two children in their early 20s. My step-dad is a great man, I am grateful to God for there is peace and understanding among all these people. I got married last year and my white wedding is in August. The catch-22 is my step-mum does not want my biological mother to come to the wedding. She never had any children of her own and she does not want people to know this. Only the inner circle knows that she is a step-mum. She is running around preparing for my great day and has used her personal resources to make this a success. People are congratulating her from all corners.

I am so humbled but I can never agree to what she wants. My father and vanatete have tried to talk to her but she will not understand. Hanzi if my mother comes she will bunk my wedding. My biological mother says she will come with her head held high to her daughter’s wedding. She is coming with her husband and my siblings and her family.

I do not know what to do. Both of them are my mothers and I love them. My husband’s family is concerned about this so much. How do we come out of this clean and make everyone happy?
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
I salute your parents who were true to themselves. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and they had a mutual agreement not to get married. 

Your step-mum has done a sterling job raising you as her own child. Yes, she deserves to be called your mother. In our culture, bringing up a child is greater than giving birth to him/her.

But she is now going off-track after having done so well; vakuda kuputsa chirongo vasvika. There is no way your biological mother can stay away from your wedding. She must accept that. I think she just needs to work on her attitude. Havasi pachipari, havana kumbonetsana saka what is her problem?

They both should attend your wedding, the two great women in your life. You know it can be done in style referring to you as the girl with two great mothers. If she is not listening to your father’s family then engage a professional counsellor to help her understand.

I am surprised that she is the one starting this; it should have been your biological mother – not her.
Weddings are happy family occasions so she should not spoil this. She would want the family at large to respect her even after the wedding so she must not start unnecessary fights.

Your father as head of family should put his foot down and stop this petty behaviour. He should tell her that the wedding will go according to plan, whether or not she is there. Your father has accepted that your mother comes with her husband and family saka ivo vaitwa sei? Let us see how the counselling sessions go but if she insists then she can stay away on the day. She is the only one trying to complicate such simple and straight-forward arrangements.

Pray for your wedding and your family. I wish you all the best.

0 comments:

Post a Comment