Saturday, 5 November 2016

I DUMPED HUBBY OVER PASSWORD



I am a 29-year-old lady. I left my husband after three years of marriage. My husband is 32 and our son is two. We had a wonderful life compared to most people, it is unfortunate that I realised this after I had left.

My issue is twofold: the first is amai, please help me go back to my husband; secondly how does one humble herself in marriage? When I started dating my husband he had plans to go to the United States for further education but after we decided to marry he abandoned the idea. He would always say in passing you better be good to me otherwise I will regret reversing my plans.

I had the best three years of my life when I was with my man. He was a good father, a good hubby and a friend indeed. I am a Christian and I think some evil force pushed me out of marriage.

One day he came home from work late into the night because he had been tied up in a meeting. He phoned to say he would be late. Instead of accepting this ndakaita hasha dzekunge ndichaputika.

I did not give him his supper when he came home. When he went to the bathroom I discovered he had put a password on his phone.
I never saw any messages or pictures. It was all about the password.

I blew up. He tried to explain but I could not be reasoned with. That night I started packing my things. In the morning all he said was “you will regret this move; once you go out do not think you will ever come back”.

We had a twin-cab and a small corolla. I drove away in the big car and to this day he still uses the small one. He refused to see me or my tete, he also has refused to come for any meetings. He continues to send child support for our baby.

He said to our pastor that he was not ready yet to talk to him about us. His friend told me in confidence that he is now trying to revive his educational plans. I love him I want to go back home. My parents said to me watinyadzisa pasi nekudenga. Amai, please help.

Response
Three years of marriage thrown down the drain, what a shame. You broke up during the romantic phase and for a very petty reason. Here we are talking about your hubby’s phone: what problem did you have with him having a password? Why did you shut him up when he tried to explain? Why did you deny him his supper when he came back? Your behaviour was very unfortunate.

When you are married you discuss what is bothering you with your spouse. You have a lovely baby, did you think about him? You had a happy union and you messed it all up over nothing, without any genuine evidence to justify your rage.

Your hubby abandoned his educational career for you. To me that is true commitment. He may never get the same chance. I feel sorry for you, I hear your plea. It is good that you are beginning to see where you went wrong.

Communication in marriage plays a pivotal role. Being understanding is among the best values you can have in a marriage and yours lacked this. Your hubby is angry and confused nekuti wakamuratidza mashura. There was no need for all that drama over a password.

Picking the best car shows that you are selfish. From the way you describe your hubby, I do not think that if he were the one who had walked away kuti aitora zimota.

It seems as if now he does not want to talk to family and friends. This is the time to engage a professional counsellor to assist. I know he does not want to speak to you but my sixth sense tells me that if you send an email pouring your heart out, explaining why you acted the way you did, he will read it and respond.

I am sure he misses his son too. Marriage is not a boxing ring kuti anorova nemashoko kana nezvibhakera ndiani. Phones have brought a lot of misery in marriages: do not be part of the statistics. Use these gadgets as you ought to.

Pray sincerely about this so that God reunites you with your spouse. Respect each other and continue to see the good in each other. Let the counsellor also work with you, especially on anger management. Marriage is about trust without this you will not survive it. I wish you all the best.

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