Sunday, 2 October 2016

HE IS STILL TO LEAVE HIS WIFE, 8 YEARS LATER

I am a single mother of two working in a saloon.

The father of my kids hoodwinked me into believing that he was having problems with his wife and was going to divorce her. I have been going out with this guy for the past eight years but he has not sent his wife away. During this period, he actually sired another child with his wife and this confused me so much. My kids (a boy and a girl) stay with my grandmother at our rural home. 

Each time I go home I get depressed because gogo does not look after my kids well. They are over worked and dirty despite their ages. My mother refused to take my children because she is not happy about my relationship with this guy, she says havadi mahumbwe. The dad of my kids says his marriage is Chapter 5.11 and is not an easy one to jump out of.

I am beginning to doubt his love because when I asked why they had another baby with his wife he said it was a mistake and he regretted it. They now have a total of 3 kids, two boys and most recently a daughter named Zvataida. I am tired of being treated like a secret wife. He has a good life with his family, they both drive top of the range cars and live in the leafy suburbs. I stay in a rented room in the ghetto and am 29 now. He does not look after my children and he does not want to be seen in public with me. He comes to my place when his wife is out of town and every time he switches off his phone.

Anongouya for a few hours, time dzaanoda kundiona malunch hour or so. When am I going to have quality time with him? I only communicate with one of his sisters vanenge tsotsiwo futi because she comes to have her hair done for free.

Why is it taking him so long to send his wife packing? Should I go and confront his wife or members of his family? I love him so much and he says he loves me too but at times I feel anogona kusarevesa. Anochengera, I have no way out and some of my friends are saying it is a sign of love, could that be true?

MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS

Thank you for writing in, my first reaction is to say please wake up and smell the coffee. I have had similar people on this column who were in the same fix. When people are hoodwinked into believing very stupid things I am saddened. You knowingly fell for this married man when you were only 21. What a waste of time, spending the better part of your life as a small house. If you were reasonable you should have waited for his divorce to come through, what was the hurry?

For this guy to have a child with his wife it is very natural and expected, it is not a mistake at all. It is actually you who is not learning from your mistakes. Why did you go on to have a second child when you realised that he was still with his wife? Once bitten twice shy. Your mother is right, you should look after your children because you are duty bound to do so. Do not begrudge gogo, you should be grateful that she took your kids in. Yes, they are dirty and overworked because you have neglected them. You are burdening gogo who may be too old to run around and look after them properly. Why do you not get a maid to assist? This guy in my view does not love you at all, he is taking advantage of your innocence and may never divorce his wife. It’s eight years now and the story does not change, please do not force me to say ndezvekupusa zvauri kuita.

You are so young and full of potential, why are you hanging on to this relationship? There is nothing positive about him, he does not look after the kids, he does not spend quality time with you, he does not want to be seen in public with you, anongochengera and the list goes on – so what does this mean to you? You have no right to confront his wife, pamwe haatozivi nezvako. Mind you with 5.11 she may sue you for adultery, so watch your step. 

I advise that you go to a civil court and claim child support, the kids are innocent and it is their right to be properly looked after. Secondly, why do you not stay with your kids? I agree you should not be treated as a secret wife and the noble thing to do is to call it quits and start on a new slate. The tete who comes for hair dos is a fake. She is also taking advantage of you. Leave this guy alone, he is married and committed to his family, please move on.

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