I am 39 and my wife is 36. We are both professionals and we bring income that is enough to keep our heads above water.
We have two beautiful teenagers. My wife is a deputy choir leader in church, we are a Christian family.
Mai Chisamba, I understand you when you warn people that marriage does not necessarily change one’s character. When people are dating and blinded by love some of the characteristics unongoti tinozoona later but kumberi kune basa.
I married my bully while I was aware of her shortcomings. Now I regret it. Many women say “I will endure for the sake of my children”. This time around it is me, the head of the family, saying that.
I always say for how long am I going to tolerate this nonsense?
My wife is bad news. She is a problem-stirrer. My in-laws are alive but they cannot lift a finger against her. Her brothers and sister are scared of her and I am now tired of her shenanigans and am on the verge of throwing in the towel.
My wife’s eldest brother passed away in June this year. There was drama at the funeral, most of it caused by my wife. Kunyara kunokunda kufa. This was broad daylight and in full view of friends and family. Kurwira zvinhu nemuroora. She accused the widow of unfounded issues and brought goods home that I felt should be used by the widow and her children.
The worst among these and the reason for this letter imota yehanzvadzi yake yakafa yakadhonzwa. It is at my house. We have two cars so I do not understand why she brought this one. I tried to speak to her about this and she fumed and told me that she wanted to teach her muroora a lesson. When I saw the kids of the deceased crying I was heartbroken. I feel it is time I opted out but something tells me to stick around for my kids’ sake.
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
Each time I read these letters I wonder what has gotten into our people. We are people with a culture of respecting other people, their property and space. Where has that gone to?
In our culture, parents will always be people you look up to and when they speak one listens. They may not be always right but there is a special respect in that communication. Why can they not lift a finger against their wild daughter?
Yes it is true, the leopard does not change its spots, that is why it is very important to go for pre-marital counselling. Some churches and organisations provide such services.
You describe your wife as a
bully, you knew this before you married her so you needed to work on this. You
have yourself to blame.
Marriage is different from a short-term prison sentence – it is supposed to be lifelong, genuine companionship. Kugarira vana is one of the worst things any spouse can do.
Children do not define a marriage. You talk of two families succumbing to your wife’s behaviour; ko zvanyanyoita sei? Anoruma here? She needs help and you as the spouse should go out of your way to see that she gets it. Now she has embarrassed the whole tribe in front of friends and strangers at a funeral because you did not apply the adage “a stitch in time saves nine”.
We have cultural and legal ways of sharing the deceased’s property. Put your foot down and tell your wife to take back whatever she grabbed. She is just greedy. If she does not comply the widow should take legal action. How can your wife create such stupid drama at her own brother’s funeral? God forbid!
People should protect children.
The two of you should go for professional counselling immediately. You or somebody should tell your wife in her face that her behaviour is shameful. I hope the bull will be tamed but be careful of its horns and kicks. I do not want to talk about Christianity, she makes a mockery of it. Go back to the drawing board and be assisted; vakomba sebudzi amai ngavabatsirwe.
To everyone else — it is good to work on your differences before you get married. If this is not done it will affect a lot of other people, including children.