Sunday, 18 September 2016


I am a young man aged 33 and I am married to a beautiful woman who is 30.We have a baby daughter and my mother imposed her name on the girl but we use her middle name instead.

It is usually believed that most daughters-in-law do not get on well with vana vamwene vavo. I did my own research and its true but I want to use my family as an example maybe it will help others.

You are on record always encouraging people to call a spade a spade. This is what I am going to do. Most mothers are greedy and this is the reason why they do not get on well with our wives.

My parents live at our rural home, they have a lot of projects they do at home. They sell vegetables, chickens, dovi and the list goes on. They have milk and meat from their mombes, mbudzi and hwai.

I am the last born so they do not pay any school fees. My problem with them is they do not want to use their own funds. Yes, we are all working but we are struggling even to pay rent and utility bills but they demand and demand. We take turns to buy their provisions and send them there but they still ask for more. If they fall sick they send a message yekuda mari, if there is a church convention they ask for money, if there is any function they just demand kupuhwa mari. Yavo ichazoshanda rinhi? I know its mean but guys with deceased parents are more popular now vanhu vaneta.

When are we going to find our feet in the wake of all this nagging? All I am saying is when are they going to fend for themselves ngavaitewo please. Now some parents are like matsotsi chaiwo they go from one child to another demanding money.

They are stressing our wives day in and day out and this affects our marriages. Ndiri right handina kudyiswa chakaipa chakaipa chete. You cannot avoid them if you do not pick up your phone messages come through WhatsApp. They get in touch with you and your wife simultaneously to make sure they really rub it in. Please help I know I have written for many who could not say this.


Thank you for sharing your research findings with this column, how accurate they may be is subject to debate. I hear you and I feel for you. Yes, I always encourage people to tell the truth no matter what because it helps. It is not good for people to impose their names on grandchildren or whoever because naming remains the parent’s prerogative.

They will not use the name if they do not like it and you serve as a good example. You raised a very sensitive issue but it is happening in our midst. Our culture demands that each individual fend for himself.

We encourage our children to see that their parents are comfortable only when they can. Demanding is not a good practice kuzvarwa haisi mhosva.

In life we help each other it should not be one sided even parents should give their children if they can. The begging should not be over done it truly affects other people’s marriages and budgets.

Some are even forced to borrow when their turn comes yekutumira vabereki. We as parents should tell our children not to worry if we can generate a bit of money from our produce or pensions.

Some of our people do not quite understand that working does not mean one is financially sound it is a terrible misconception.

When one is a parent you should know that your children look up to you. You will always be their role model so do not be muenzaniso wekukumbira.

Parents should keep their pride. If you do not have then it becomes another scenario you can be assisted semunhu asina. This is for those who think their money is for keeps. Its only one life, enjoy what God has given you.

Those who rejoice when they marry guys with deceased parents its taboo its un-African. You have your priorities upside down you really should be ashamed of yourselves.

Lastly let us use our phones responsibly and be in good relationships with our families. I respect you for pouring your heart out and I do not believe in kudyiswa.


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