I hope I find you well, mine is a very sad story. I married a divorcee after a friend introduced him to me. We dated for a year before he paid lobola for me.
During our courtship he would talk about his former wife a lot. He told me the reason for their divorce was because the wife could not bear any children. He says he loves children so much and a home without them feels empty. This is our forth year together and I still have no child.
He claims to have had two from different mothers and these came about when he tried with other women other than his wife. His wife has since re-married and now has a daughter. He did not want me to know about it but I got it through their sahwira anongomwaukawo. He confronted him and demanded that my husband explain what is going on. He was not amused and left in a huff.
The so-called baby mamas are really getting on my nerves. They are always calling demanding money or asking him to go and see the kids for different reasons. We have a joint account and budget, this is killing me. His family calls him by one of the children’s names kuti baba vaTendai. He stayed with his wife and never had a child and now he still has no child with me so what’s going on?
Does sahwira know something that I am not aware of in this family? I am heartbroken I feel like walking out on him because these two women are draining the joy out of me. Even if he gets a call after we have retired to bed he wakes up, dresses up and goes to attend to the particular child’s problem. How do I know that it is about the child? Please assist this is affecting my health and even my job.
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
Thank you very much for writing in. The time that you date someone is the time you learn about what that person would be like as a spouse. The manner in which you communicate and stories you talk about will depict your future. Yes, a friend introduced you to this divorcee and you made your choice and fell for this guy. He used to bad mouth his former wife and you thought it was fine.
He told you the reason for their divorce was because the wife did not bear any children. This should have rang a very loud bell in your ears. Marriage is about genuine love this is the reason why people commit. It is not about children, although they are precious they are a special gift from God and it is only him who can bless a marriage with this. This is the reason why some marriages have no children but have been blessed with other gifts in life.
In my view this guy was not looking for love but for a surrogate mother to bear him children and you should have seen that.
You knew he was a cheat from the very word go but you proceeded to marry him why? He told you he sired two children with two different women while he was married to his first wife; what did you make of that? This guy is abusing women, already four have been involved with him and he has wreaked havoc in their lives. He has no respect for you as his wife.
How can he jump out of his marital bed to go and attend to baby mamas?
These children of course are innocent I suggest you talk to your hubby about going to court so that a proper arrangement be made. There should be a way he can pay for maintenance and when he can see the kids. The other thing that can put your mind to rest is to take the kids for DNA tests. I know after vasahwira vawochomoka pakaita kakukahadzika so the paternity has to be established. I do not want to doubt anything but why is it vana vari kuitika kunze chete and not in marriage?
The two of you should go and be checked by a medical doctor so that your fears and suspicions are put to rest also. Do not worry about those calling him baba vaTendai it does not add or subtract anything to your marriage. My final question is do you love each other because you never mentioned this? Pray sincerely and tell God the desires of your heart and he will do it for you.