Saturday, 6 August 2016


I have a problem, and I think you can help. I am a 27-year-old woman. I dated my first boyfriend when I was 20 years old but he never proposed. Most of the girls I went to school with either got married or had babies, the same applied kune vekuchurch.

Mai Chisamba, I was like an outcast, everyone was asking why I was still single and I had no answer. Last year, some guy that I thought was in the fast lane proposed love to me and I said yes but that was not from the heart. He was head over heels in love with me but we were not on the same wave length. Within a few months, he proposed marriage to which I said yes.

This guy loves me with all his heart. We tied the knot at a very flashy wedding ceremony but my heart belongs to my old flame. He is the same age as my ex-boyfriend, they are both 32 years old. My husband ane tunhu twake, money, cars and the lifestyle most women would cry for. I know you always say never marry for any other reason except love. I am sorry I did that, I married in order to silence family and friends and I will live to regret it.

He is loving and he cares so much but I just cannot pretend to love him and he complains that I am so cold. Its true, I am. I drive a posh car.

We have a beautiful apartment but my heart is empty.

We have been married for over a year and I cannot take it any longer. I know it is wrong but I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend and he now wants us to get married. I genuinely want to opt out and my husband will find this abnormal but I just cannot carry on.

Handipenge mai Chisamba, but I made a blunder. We do not have a child yet in this union. I am prepared to walk out with nothing but go to the love of my life. How do I tell my hubby? How will our families take this? I tried my best to love him, aiwa hazvimo. Society pushed me into this. You handle so many cases, I know mine is not unique. My heart is with my old flame ndiye wandinoda.


My word! What a letter and what a confession. Yes, I handle a lot of issues but this really is a catch 22 situation. In life one has to be principled so as not to be pushed into doing something that they will regret for the rest of their life.

Yes, family, friends and society have their expectations but at the end of the day, it is you who matters most. You may have succeeded in silencing the people by getting married but you were unable to silence your own heart and your conscience.

Upenyu idungamunhu. For instance, look at the way everyone else is okay with your marriage except yourself. The main ingredient for marriage is love, it can never survive without it. You succumbed to unnecessary pressure and I bet with my last dollar that you are not the only one. This is both a primitive and unfair practice that some in our society still hold on to. I plead that it should be stopped forthwith. Time is precious and you can never buy it back.

Think of your husband, he went out of his way and did what he did to marry you because you lied and said yes. You also need to consider how your ex feels, after all this time what’s to say he has not moved on?  You took your vows before God and man when you knew your heart was empty — that was malicious. For your information it is not the lifestyle that makes a spouse happy, it is true love.

Indeed haupenge but this could have been avoided by sticking to your heart’s desire. This is going to affect the two families grossly. I think before you say anything to your hubby, go through vigorous counselling and prayer. God does not make mistakes, there is a reason why you are where you are today.

I repeat that the Good Book says God hates divorce and there is a reason why this is so and I urge people in similar predicaments not to take getting married likely. To family and friends out there let us learn to respect and wait for God’s time otherwise we will cause a lot of problems.

Try and shut out the past and embrace your husband. Marriage is different from the “jump in, jump out” game. Think about this seriously and pray for God’s guidance because he is the greatest of all the counsellors. I will follow up on your issue with keenness. Wanirwa nyasha nedenga it shall be well.


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