I am torn apart, I do not know what to do.My mother was impregnated at the age of 18 but my father refused to marry her saying she was not in the same class as him. My mother worked as a nurse and put me through school with the help of her brothers.I am gainfully employed and in a serious relationship. I grew up as a normal boy although I was keen to know about my father. I carry my mother’s surname because he did not want to be involved in my life.
After his encounter with my mother 22 years ago, he married another woman and they were blessed with a daughter. That woman with whom my father had this child passed on two years ago and my father is trying hard to rekindle his relationship with my mother after so many years.
He has confronted me, cried and apologised. It is a long story but I am trying to cut it short. I sat down with my mother because we have a strong bond and she is also my best friend and we discussed this issue.
To my surprise my mother is willing to accept my father’s request. She said she loved him so much that is why she remained single after he left her, he is the love of her life.
Mai Chisamba, zvichaitawo here izvi? To tell the truth I have not forgiven him because of what my mother went through, neniwo vakandiramba. Sekuru, my mother’s father, is very bitter and vows that he does not want to see him because he humiliated the family and my mother.
He told my mother that if she so wished she could go for free vobva vadambura ukama. Before this my mother’s side of the family was so tight but this has brought a lot of confusion and quarrel.
Gogo and some of her brothers have said they do not want to be involved in that issue.
Please assist me, my mother is my life and I do not want her to go through a rough patch again. I know what she went through although I was young. I do not want her to be taken advantage of again ini am quite happy with my sekuru’s name. My father is no better than a stranger to me as it stands.
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
This is a catch 22 situation — kutsva kudumbu nekumusana. I understand your concern and you have made me understand the bond between you and your mother, you are a great son. I also understand the reason for your confusion, the person in the thick of things seems to be going the wrong direction whilst you are trying to protect her.
Love is very difficult to understand as you can see your mother still wants to give it a go despite whatever happened 22 years ago. Forgiving your father does not necessarily mean that you change your surname and start communicating with him every day, all you need is to bury the bitterness. If indeed he is your father kuvada kana kusavada he remains your dad.
Twenty two years is a very long time, you need space to come to terms with this. As for sekuru, I cannot really put a finger on why but I think in his heart the issue has not been dealt with accordingly kubvira pakutanga. Your father in my view should engage a munyai and family representatives to come and clear the old case first. Vana sekuru vataure zvavanoda pasati patanga chikamu chepiri.
Your parents also should realise that so much has happened over the two decades that they were apart and should treat this as a new courtship if they are in agreement. Family is very important and people should not get carried away to the extent of stopping to try and keep the family intact. Your mother should find out issue ye ‘class’ yavakambosiirwa kareko kuti yazogadzirika sei?
True love has no class and she should not enter into a marriage of convenience. As I said the whole thing is tricky, you need to pray and get God’s guidance. I would have really wanted to speak to your father, unfortunately I only respond to the writer.
If he really wants to move on he will have no problem nekuzvirereka vachigadzirisa pavakatadzira mhuri yamai vako. Do keep in touch so that we take this step by step I wish you all the best.