I am a married man aged 42 and my wife is 40. We are blessed with two boys and a daughter. I am very slow to anger but if pushed to the limits, dzikadambuka dzadambuka.
Over the years my wife had the upper hand in most things that we did as a couple; not because I wanted that but I wanted to avoid unnecessary fights.
My parents were never amused and in most cases my mother would call me dofo rakadyiswa. I am rightfully the head of the family and I should be consulted when certain transactions take place.
Recently we sold one of our cars. I instructed my wife to receive the US$5 000 and bank it. I never followed that up because I believed all was well.
I got the shock of my life when a message that was meant for my wife came to me by mistake. My wife’s friend was apologising on her husband’s behalf kuti varasiswa so vakutadza kudzosa the US$4 000 in time.
I went mad. I did not want to believe this was true. I consoled myself by thinking the message was not intended for either of us.
I phoned my wife to ask about it and she told me that she had loaned the couple US$4 000 and the other US$1 000 she had given to her mum because she wanted to sort out something urgently.
I was never consulted when all this was occurring. My parents are still alive and I have never done such a thing for them.
If such things can be done behind my back how many other things am I not aware of? US$5 000!
It’s been two months since that incident but not a single cent has been brought back. I have tried to take measures that I will not discuss here but it has been to no avail. We have had fights but still ane nharo.
The children have been affected by this badly.
She has moved out of the bedroom and I have given her an ultimatum that if that money is not back then we call it quits. I have had enough of this woman.
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
I feel your anger and I believe it is justified. US$5 000 is an amount that can be used for many profitable ventures if managed properly.
You said hasha dzako kana dzadambuka dzadambuka, why let it get to that? We have an adage that says kamoto kamberevere kanopisa matanda mberi. In short we should nip problems in the bud instead of watching them grow.
You are contradicting yourself with what is on the ground when you say you are the head of the house but over the years you played second fiddle to your wife because you were avoiding unnecessary fights saka ndochii ichocho?
That is a very lame excuse.
In marriage everyone should play his/her role otherwise it will be very difficult to correct, mbambaira haina panel beating.
Your ages suggest you are a mature couple but your actions do not reflect this. Your wife is behaving like a spoilt brat who gets away with anything.
Why is she still in this union if she has left the bedroom? Were you being violent?
You are a role model to your kids, set a good example for them and do not compromise their upbringing by allowing them to see their parents fighting.
Your letter shows that even before this incident your marriage was not a happy one.
Your wife shows gross disrespect, she did not give you feedback on the payment nor did she consult you before lending money to other parties.
The money is for you as a couple. The couple who borrowed the money did so as a pair – why did that not knock a little bit of sense into her head?
It is shameful for a mother in-law to be involved in mari dzevakwasha zvakadai. My advice is why not go legal so that you are assisted professionally.
For your marriage, I think it is in your best interest to engage a counselor.
To your mother in-law I say please pay back the money. Going through courts will destroy your relationship.
My advice to you is gudo guru peta muswe vaduku vagokuremekedza.
It is my hope that you recover your money and mend your marriage. I wish you all the best.