I am a 23-year-old woman married to a 31-year-old guy for the past four years. We have a three-month-old baby boy and are very happy.
I get along so well with my mother in-law to the extent of swapping clothes or sharing girly stuff.
My problem is when I was still dating my husband I told him that I had a daughter from a previous failed relationship. He said it was OK and he would let his people know. Up to now he hasn’t told anyone kuti ndine mwana and I feel so uncomfortable about the whole thing.
My daughter stays with my parents in Gweru and she has become a huge secret. At times I miss my daughter much and I visit my parents so that I can see her.
My problem is I don’t know when my husband will consider the time ripe to tell his people. I’m dreading the day because I don’t know what their reaction will be. Why is my husband finding it difficult to break the news? Ndashaya zororo please ndibatsirewo.
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
The first few lines of your letter are very impressive, you’re happily married and get on so well with your mother in-law. That’s a very rare double so don’t soil this.
The fact that you have a daughter can never be kept a secret. How do you do that?
What you describe as a failed relationship is water under the bridge. What we should talk about is the innocent child.
This is a precious gift from God; kune vamwe vasina chipo chakadaro. You came out in the open and told him about this before he even proposed to marry you. I conclude that he had time to think about this.
He is a mature man, how on Earth do you hide this?
Remember there will be fortunate and unfortunate times in this child’s life and how do you handle that if you only play mom behind the scenes?
It’s a very small world I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some people in your hubby’s family or even in the community who know what you think is a secret.
Your hubby should not behave as if he was held at gunpoint to marry a mother.
It’s a child’s right to be looked after by both parents if they are alive. It’s unfortunate that in most cases vana mbuya end up taking the mother’s role. Ambuya namai vemunhu vakatosiyana.
Children grow up so fast and it is the joy of each and every caring parent to witness each stage. You should have a special bond with your child unfortunately this can’t be done through remote control or WhatsApp. It has to be hands-on.
Your daughter now has a sibling, when are they going to bond?
As a parent, what is your conscience telling you? You can’t be hundred percent committed to this marriage because at times you are absent-minded uchifunga mwana.
Tell your husband to talk to his people about this child. His people will have to accept it because ndozvaakada. Pamwe murume wako ndiye ari kutya responsibility yekuchengeta mwana wako; he should stop hiding behind his finger.
Can you imagine what goes on in your daughter’s mind? Please don’t punish this child. You can claim child support from her father. If you have children be responsible and look after them.