When I married my husband rumour had it he was going out with an old flame who happened to be a secretary at his workplace.
We talked about this seriously before we married and he told me they had called it quits. He even offered to leave his job so that my heart would be settled to which I replied there was no need to do that because I believed him.
We have been married for three years and are blessed with a daughter. I quit my executive job because I wanted to do something I enjoyed and I started a catering business. In short hupenyu huri kufaya.
The problem is I think they have rekindled their romance.
Sometime ago my husband went for a workshop and came back without his wedding ring. I asked him where it was and he pretended not to know about it ndikapenga. I threatened to walk out.
Two days later he said he had found the ring in his desk drawer kubasa kwake. Although we talked about this I was left with more questions than answers.
Three weeks ago when I was doing laundry I found the ring again mukahomwe kemukati in his jeans. I took the ring and hid it. There is no joy in our home. He has torn the whole place apart looking for it. I asked him why he takes it off in the first place, he was speechless.
I remember how he said “with this ring I do wed thee” on our wedding day. At the time he seemed sincere, nhasi ndiyo ring irikungobiswa biswa, why? Is he the one who takes the ring off or it is someone else?
He is supposed to rotate his secretaries when they go for workshops but he takes his old flame and says ndiye ajaira masystems acho. He is pleading with me daily because I told him that if he does not find the ring I will take unspecified action.
Please assist, what do I do if these guys are still going out? How do I tell him kuti ndini ndine ring? Should I ask him to either fire this woman or its better for him to quit his job as he suggested a few years ago?
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
It is very sad when young couples put all their energy into fighting each rather than doing something constructive.
Marriage, I repeat, is a lifetime commitment. There is absolutely no need to get married if one still wants to play the field.
If he loved his old flame so much why did he not marry her? It is sad that people at times fail to identify where their best interests and true love lie.
I can understand why you are angry, your husband seems to be a pathological liar and such people are not easy to deal with because you never know when they are telling the truth or not.
He told you it was over between him and his secretary and he even wanted to quit his job to convince you he was telling the truth.
He has been lying about the ring, what difference does it make whether it is off or on his finger?
Love, respect and being faithful are bigger than anything a ring symbolises no matter how precious it is. It stands for something and, yes, it must be worn at all times – but it is a token at best.
How you act regardless whether you have your ring on or not is what matters most. Ko vaya vanodanana asi vasina mari yekutenga maring?
Your husband, from my point of view, is a weak man who wants to enjoy both worlds — ane ruchiva rwakanyanya. His behaviour is very wayward.
You need to focus on the bigger issue that lies beneath this practice of removing the wedding ring. Making him quit his job will not necessarily make him change his ways or stop seeking his secretary. The answer to all these woes may sound inadequate but the truth is he has to commit to loving his wife faithfully.
He chose you and he should stand by that. Please tell him you have the ring and give it back to him. I advise you to engage a professional counselor who will work with you guys, someone who will take you back to the drawing board.
You said hupenyu huri kufaya, kana love inodawo kufaya. A happy home is necessary for you to raise your child the right way. I am sorry about what you are going through especially in the wake of diseases like HIV and Aids. Pray sincerely for your marriage. There is immense power in prayer.
Please let me know the outcome of your issue after sessions with a counsellor.