I HAVE been married for the past 10 years and we have been blessed with three beautiful children, two boys and a girl. I am a very disappointed man because I feel shortchanged by my church. I am one of those guys vakasangana nenjodzi yekuti you must marry from the church. I complied and was given a very wrong impression about this woman who is now my wife.
Mai vanopopota kani ava. I feel sorry for my kids because half the time they see their mother in a foul mood. I have done the opposite, I submitted to her thinking this would bring peace but ngoma ndiyo ndiyo. I literally do not touch her money unless aita something nekuda kwake. Our difference is like cheese and chalk, I want to opt out. We are two different people, the church forced us into this relationship but now vanetawo naye.
If she goes to visit her mother in Chihota ndinotozoona nekusadzoka kuti heya ndozvavafunga.
We rarely travel in the same car because kunenge kuri kungotukana chete.
Mai Chisamba, please help for the sake of my kids. As for me I think I am done, kuchurch ndatove neseveral weeks ndisingaende.
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
Thank you for writing in. My heart bleeds when I read sad letters like this one, especially from youngsters who have only been married for ten years.
Life is about you not them, so don’t cry foul and say the church is responsible for your misery. Love is very personal, kana zviri zvekudanana hapana mumwe munhu anonzwa zvaunonzwa iwe inside except yourself so no one can do it on your behalf, not even the pastor or a relative. I personally think that this idea of compelling people to marry from the same church or clan or whatever can be very tricky.
It’s a human right to choose your spouse because marriage is a lifetime commitment and love plays a pivotal role in this institution.
When people are in love they have a way of solving their problems amicably.
They work as a tag team against whatever crosses their path and they always feel for each other. Ko zvekupopotera zvacho vanozviwanepi all the time? You talked about the church, why didn’t they take you through premarital counseling, it helps because you get to know more about your would-be spouse.
You dated for how long? I am shocked by the comparison you make – cheese and chalk – this means you are worlds apart.
In your letter there is only one positive thing that you showed concern about, vana vako.
Makorokoto for being a caring father, your beloved children’s lives depend on the background you give them.
This means we have a starting point and this includes your wife because she is part and parcel of this.
I don’t want to pass the buck and blame your wife or the church, let’s try and map a way forward. Your marriage is dysfunctional but it’s not too late to work on it. You both need professional therapy, it really helps.
The counselor will help you understand what your religion and marriage is all about nekuti zvamuri kuita hazvisi zvechi Kristu kana zvevanhu vari muwanano. Your marriage lacks respect, love, peace and maturity.
Ivo mai pavanobhidhirika kudai iwe unenge waitawo sei? Remember it takes two to tango.
I am not saying she is right given what you have written about but it’s just an observation.
Lastly, even if you are no longer going to church continue to pray for your family and marriage. Please keep in touch, I wish you all the best.